CHAOS IN A TO-GO BOX

The Pork Chop Express is less a team and more a cautionary tale wrapped in a fortune cookie. Built on wild swings of luck and even wilder swings of logic, this franchise has mastered the art of either blowing opponents out of the water or forgetting to show up entirely. Their “philosophy,” if you can call it that, seems borrowed straight from Jack Burton himself: talk big, roll the dice, and hope the truck doesn’t break down. They’ve had flashes of brilliance - occasional weeks where their lineup actually looks intentional - but consistency has always been left idling on the highway. Opponents don’t fear them so much as they fear losing to them, because that kind of humiliation lingers. Pork Chop Express may not always deliver championships, but they sure do deliver chaos, and in the SCL, that’s almost as valuable. Almost.