The Wrong People Are Winning
Seven weeks into the season, we've officially reached the halfway point of the regular season. By now, I would expect certain fundamental principles of fantasy football to have established themselves. Good decisions should produce good results. Exceptional performances should be rewarded. Teams demonstrating even a passing familiarity with the sport should enjoy some measurable advantage over those that don't.
Week 7 has provided compelling evidence that none of these principles are enforceable.
Pork Chop Express played well enough to win most weeks and suffered their first defeat. Cerebral Ballsy produced their worst performance of the season and remained undefeated. Golden Tate Warriors, having spent six weeks treating the end zone as restricted property, suddenly scored more points than anyone else. And two teams achieved perfect coaching grades despite having virtually no coaching decisions to make.
I've administered this league long enough to understand that fairness has never been a particularly important consideration. Still, I generally expect the sport to make at least a modest effort to conceal that fact. This week, it didn't even bother putting on a tie.
THE PERFECTLY MANAGED DISASTER
There are bad performances, there are historically bad performances, and then there's whatever Badazz Bri submitted against Gotham Rogues.
Bri scored 33 points in Week 7, the lowest total of the 2026 season and the seventh-lowest regular-season score in SCL history. The Rogues scored 115, producing an 82-point victory, the third-largest margin this season. I imagine their coaching staff spent much of the second half trying to determine whether the scoring system had stopped updating Bri's side of the scoreboard.
But here's where things become interesting. Badazz Bri's coaches received a perfect 100% Management Score.
Every available point was in their starting lineup. Not a single point was left on the bench. Under ordinary circumstances, that would suggest exceptional player evaluation and sound coaching judgment. Unfortunately, Bri's entire bench consisted of one player that was injured and five that were on bye. The coaches didn't so much select the optimal lineup as accept the one the league's software had left them.
It's difficult to make a bad decision when you're not permitted to make any decisions at all. Apparently, it's also an excellent way to earn a perfect performance review.
Tortuga achieved the same 100% Management Score under nearly identical circumstances, although their 98–90 victory over Tallahassee Tator Tots provided a considerably more pleasant outcome. With every bench player unavailable, Tortuga's coaches could have spent the week fishing, golfing, or undergoing elective surgery and still received full marks for their work.
The Tator Tots, meanwhile, had an actual decision to make and demonstrated why that privilege shouldn't be extended indiscriminately.
The Tots started Brock Purdy while Malik Willis sat on the bench with 30 points. The resulting eight-point defeat was entirely avoidable, and they finished with a 79.7% Management Score. I suspect Tortuga's coaches will be eager to share their secrets, although their instructional seminar would consist primarily of explaining how to do nothing. Attendance would be optional, and the instructors wouldn't be there.
Three teams, three very different outcomes, and one rather uncomfortable question about what we're actually measuring when we evaluate coaching performance.
I'm not suggesting the Management Score is flawed. I'm suggesting that, like most performance reviews, it occasionally awards extraordinary marks to people whose greatest contribution was staying out of the way.
GOTHAM'S MOVING COMPANY
I've reached the point where I hesitate to discuss Gotham Rogues' roster because there's a reasonable chance several of the players will belong to someone else by the time this article is published.
Before Week 7 began, they completed two significant trades. First, they sent Travis Kelce and Puka Nacua to Pork Chop Express in exchange for Colston Loveland and Jaxon Smith-Njigba. Then, Justin Jefferson and Tony Pollard to Uncle Bucky for Amon-Ra St. Brown.
Four players departed. Three arrived. At this rate, the Rogues may eventually achieve the distinction of having more completed trades than active players. I'm not certain whether that's permitted under the Constitution, but I suspect we'll find out.
The immediate results were mixed but certainly entertaining.
Pollard delivered 37 points for Uncle Bucky, the highest individual score among running backs this week, helping them defeat Fat Cats 97–76. Jefferson contributed four points, which means Bucky received two players who combined for 41 points while St. Brown produced 19 for the Rogues. That particular exchange looks rather favorable for Bucky after one week, although I would discourage them from declaring victory just yet. This is the same organization that entered the week with one win, and I'd hate to see success become a distraction.
The Rogues' other acquisition, however, was considerably more productive. Smith-Njigba scored 26 points, while Loveland added 13. Kelce managed four points for the Chops, and Nacua contributed 14.
Then the Rogues went out and defeated Badazz Bri by 82 points.
It was their third consecutive regular-season victory over Bri, improving to 5–2 and leaving their latest collection of players looking remarkably comfortable together. Whether they'll be permitted to learn one another's names remains an open question.
Most owners spend considerable time trying to assemble a roster they can trust. The Rogues appear to regard that as a temporary administrative inconvenience. The moment a player becomes familiar with the organization, he should probably begin packing.
Still, there's something admirable about a team that can make this many changes and produce one of the week's most decisive victories. I wouldn't recommend the approach to everyone, particularly those owners who already struggle to identify which players are on their roster, but the Rogues seem perfectly comfortable conducting business in a state of perpetual relocation.
AN ANNUAL TRADITION
Who Is You defeated Baby Got Dak 86–59 this week, a result that might otherwise have passed without much attention. Neither team produced a particularly memorable offensive performance, and You's 86 points represented the lowest winning score of Week 7.
But the victory extended something considerably more interesting: Who Is You has now defeated Baby Got Dak in seven consecutive regular-season meetings.
Seven consecutive meetings.
At this point, I believe we've moved beyond the distinction between a rivalry and a scheduled obligation. There are annual dental examinations that generate less anxiety.
What's particularly remarkable is that Baby Got Dak had an opportunity to interrupt the tradition. Dak left 28 net points available on the bench, enough to turn their 27-point defeat into a narrow victory. Instead, their coaching staff recorded a 67.8% Management Score, the lowest in the league this week.
I have to admire the dedication required to lose to the same opponent seven consecutive times while continuing to experiment with new methods of accomplishing it. Most teams would eventually stumble into a victory through sheer statistical probability. Baby Got Dak seems determined to test how long that can be avoided.
Who Is You, meanwhile, improves to 4–3 and has quietly developed one of the more dependable arrangements in the SCL. Whenever Baby Got Dak appears on the schedule, You can apparently count on another victory, regardless of how well—or poorly—they actually play.
I don't know what the original terms of this agreement were, but seven consecutive renewals would be enough to make most arrangements legally binding.
For Baby Got Dak, perhaps the most encouraging news is that the schedule contains other opponents. For You, I imagine the disappointment is that they can't play Baby Got Dak every week.
THE UNEXPECTED GUESTS
If you examined Week 7's top individual performers without knowing the season, you might reasonably assume someone had accidentally opened a fantasy football report from an alternate universe.
Tony Pollard led all running backs with 37 points. Bucky Irving added 27, while Quinshon Judkins and Cam Skattebo each scored 22. Among quarterbacks, Bo Nix produced 32 points, Malik Willis had 30, and Michael Penix Jr. and Geno Smith each contributed 27.
These aren't necessarily the names most owners expected to find at the top of their weekly scoring reports. I suspect several managers spent Sunday evening searching for an explanation, followed by a considerably longer period searching for someone to blame.
Meanwhile, Consolation Kings received an unexpectedly efficient contribution from Darren Waller, who caught exactly one pass. Fortunately, it traveled 50 yards and ended in the end zone.
That single reception gave Waller more fantasy points than Saquon Barkley, Kenneth Walker III, Patrick Mahomes, Derrick Henry, Justin Jefferson, Chase Brown, and Tetairoa McMillan managed individually.
One reception. Seven established players outperformed. It's the sort of efficiency I appreciate, particularly in a league where some owners require three hours and a considerable amount of emotional support to make a waiver claim.
I don't know whether Waller was aware that he was outperforming a substantial portion of the league's more recognizable talent, but I suspect he found the experience considerably less exhausting than they did.
The most dramatic performances, however, belonged to a team that had spent the first six weeks making very little use of them.
The Golden Tate Warriors scored 162 points against Do Not Panic, winning by 79 and delivering the highest team total of Week 7. Joe Burrow contributed 34 points, the Buccaneers defense supplied 36, and Luther Burden III added 22.
Those three performances alone produced 92 points, more than the Warriors had managed as an entire team in any previous week this season.
Consider that for a moment.
The Warriors entered Week 7 having never scored 100 points in a game. They had just celebrated their first victory with a 69-point performance against Tortuga, a game in which both teams appeared determined to avoid drawing unnecessary attention to themselves. Then, without warning, they produced 162.
I have no satisfactory explanation for this development, and I see no reason to invent one. The Warriors spent six weeks operating what appeared to be a nonprofit organization dedicated to distributing victories to their opponents. Apparently, someone finally explained that they were allowed to keep a few.
They have now won two consecutive games, a development that would have sounded considerably less plausible a fortnight ago. Whether this represents the beginning of something meaningful or an isolated incident of offensive enthusiasm remains to be seen.
For now, I recommend that everyone remain calm. There's no reason to encourage the Warriors until we've determined whether this condition is contagious.
THE COST OF DOING EVERYTHING RIGHT
For six weeks, Cerebral Ballsy and Pork Chop Express had occupied the SCL's undefeated territory together. Week 7 finally separated them, although not in the manner their performances might have suggested.
Pork Chop Express scored 118 points against Los Perros Locos, a total 31 points above the week's median. Their coaches achieved a perfect 100% Management Score, leaving nothing available on the bench that could have improved the outcome.
The dogs scored 132 and won anyway.
It was the Chop's first regular-season loss to Los Perros Locos since Week 10 of 2024, ending the team's undefeated start despite a performance that would have been sufficient against 14 of the league's other teams this week.
I imagine the Chop's coaching staff reviewed the lineup afterward, searching for some overlooked adjustment that might have changed the result. Unfortunately, the only obvious mistake was agreeing to play Los Perros Locos.
Cerebral Ballsy, on the other hand, scored just 87 points against MaxxCasualties. It was their first game below 100 points this season, and their coaches recorded a rather ordinary 74.4% Management Score.
Ballsy won 87–70.
That victory extended their undefeated record to 7–0 and their regular-season winning streak over Casualties to three games. It also left Ballsy as the only remaining unbeaten team in the league.
I suspect Pork Chop Express would be interested in learning how to win a game with 87 points after discovering that 118 wasn't enough. Unfortunately, I don't believe Cerebral Ballsy has any useful advice to offer beyond arranging to play an opponent that scores 70.
At the halfway point, Ballsy sits alone at 7–0, while the Chops remain an imposing 6–1. Los Perros Locos and Gotham Rogues follow at 5–2, and a considerable portion of the league is still trying to determine whether their first seven games represent a promising foundation or an elaborate warning.
We've seen perfect coaching grades produce historic embarrassment, a seven-game head-to-head winning streak survive another attempted interruption, and a team that couldn't reach 100 points suddenly score 162.
The lesson, if there is one, is that doing everything right offers no guarantee of success, while doing considerably less can sometimes be enough.
Twenty-two seasons, and I still can't explain why anyone would willingly participate in an activity this unreasonable.
Fortunately, owners have never required much convincing.
Best of luck in Week 8.
Commish
Golden Ticket
The Golden Ticket has a new leader, as Do Not Panic climbs into 1st place with 1,041 points, thanks in large part to Jordan Love's remarkable 270-point contribution. Consolation Kings moves into 2nd with 995, followed closely by Fat Cats at 993, while former leader MaxxCasualties tumbles three spots to 4th. Just 51 points separate the top four, so there's still plenty of opportunity for someone to make an unfortunate decision. Uncle Bucky makes the week's biggest leap, climbing five positions to 7th, while Gotham Rogues finally escapes the basement.
Pigskin Pick'Em
Gotham Rogues continues to lead the Pigskin Pick'Em standings with 69 correct picks, maintaining a two-game advantage over Do Not Panic (67). Tallahassee Tator Tots and Uncle Bucky remain tied for 3rd with 66 wins, while MaxxCasualties slips two positions to 5th. Who Is You makes the week's biggest move, climbing three spots into a tie for 7th. I find it particularly interesting that Do Not Panic is 1–6 in the SCL but sits 2nd in Pick'Em. Apparently, they have an excellent understanding of which NFL teams are going to win, provided none of that knowledge is applied to their own fantasy roster.
Eliminator Challenge
The Eliminator Challenge claimed two more victims in Week 7, as Uncle Bucky was eliminated with the Texans' loss and Baby Got Dak followed the 49ers out the door. That leaves just Tortuga and Pork Chop Express standing, which means we're approaching the point where someone will actually have to win this thing. I congratulate our two remaining contestants on their continued existence, although I'd remind them that their success depends entirely on NFL teams whose coaches have never heard of them and wouldn't particularly care if they had.
Survivor Challenge
Los Perros Locos earned immunity for Week 8 with an impressive 132-point performance, ensuring at least one more week of Survivor Challenge security. Badazz Bri, meanwhile, was eliminated after scoring just 33 points, a total that suggests Bri may have misunderstood the assignment. I've always maintained that survival requires a certain degree of effort, although apparently that expectation wasn't communicated clearly enough.
Power Rankings
The top four remain unchanged after seven weeks, with Cerebral Ballsy holding 1st at 7–0, followed by Pork Chop Express, Los Perros Locos, and Tallahassee Tator Tots. Gotham Rogues climbs to 5th, while Tortuga jumps three spots to 6th. MaxxCasualties and Fat Cats each tumble three positions, proving that downward mobility remains one of the SCL's more accessible opportunities.
The week's biggest mover is Golden Tate Warriors, climbing four spots from 16th to 12th after their 162-point outburst. I congratulate the Warriors on escaping the basement, although I wouldn't recommend unpacking just yet. Baby Got Dak now occupies 16th, while Badazz Bri's historic 33-point performance drops them only one position to 14th. Apparently, even a catastrophe of historic proportions has its limitations.
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