Evidence Has Arrived
For the past several weeks, I have been forced to endure one of the more exhausting annual traditions in the Sagebrush Cactus League: optimism. The drafts concluded, rosters were assembled, depth charts were examined, and suddenly every questionable purchase became a sleeper and every obvious weakness became an opportunity. Teams that had accomplished absolutely nothing began quietly considering playoff seeding.
Some of you may recall that last week I encouraged you to enjoy this period. I knew it wouldn't last.
Week 1 has now provided something considerably more useful than projections, draft grades and preseason confidence: evidence. Actual football was played. Points were scored. Decisions were made. Some of those decisions were even correct.
Others involved placing 39 points on the bench while losing by 13.
This is why I wait.
APPARENTLY DRAFTING THE PLAYERS WASN'T ENOUGH
Fantasy football is not particularly complicated. You acquire players, put the best ones in your starting lineup and hope they score more points than your opponent. Twenty-two seasons into this experiment, I continue discovering places where additional clarification may have been necessary.
Golden Tate Warriors lost to Baby Got Dak, 82–69, while Bryce Young sat comfortably on the bench with 39 points. Joe Burrow, the quarterback they actually started, scored 16. Starting Burrow was hardly an unreasonable decision, but fantasy football awards no points for reasonable explanations. The fact remains the Warriors had enough points sitting on their bench to win and instead allowed Dak to escape with an 82-point victory.
Fat Cats experienced a similar lesson in their 120–117 loss to Tallahassee Tator Tots. Ladd McConkey scored 15 from the bench while George Pickens contributed 2 from the starting lineup. The Cats needed only four additional points to win. Meanwhile, Christian Watson scored 33 from Cerebral Ballsy's bench and Jalen Coker scored 32 for Consolation Kings, but both teams won anyway.
That's the important distinction. When you leave 30 points on the bench and win, it's called depth. When you do it and lose, it's called evidence.
DO NOT PANIC. ACTUALLY, NEVER MIND.
Then there's Do Not Panic, who scored 37 points and tied for the 10th-lowest regular-season score in SCL history. That alone would have earned a mention, but Panic somehow managed to make the performance considerably more interesting.
The Panic bench scored 44 points. Trevor Lawrence alone scored 31, only six fewer than the entire starting lineup. This isn't criticism of choosing to start Kyler Murray over Lawrence; it's simply an acknowledgment that the collection of players specifically selected not to play collectively outperformed those who were.
Fortunately, Who Is You scored 94, so none of it mattered. Rearranging the Panic lineup would merely have produced a more respectable loss.
Last week, I designated their contest as the Blackout Game of the Week and encouraged everyone to spend Sunday doing virtually anything else.
I trust you now understand why.
SOME OF YOU WERE ACTUALLY GOOD
Los Perros Locos posted the league's highest score with 145 points against a Badazz Bri team that scored a perfectly respectable 110. Bri received 40 points from Josh Allen and 25 from Kyle Monangai, but the dogs answered with 38 from Kenneth Walker, 30 from Jalen Hurts and 21 from Dallas Goedert. Badazz Bri also received minus-5 from Houston's defense, meaning the Texans weren't merely unhelpful; they actively participated in the losing effort.
The result continued a familiar pattern. The Perros have now won four consecutive regular-season meetings against Badazz Bri, and before the game I noted that when the Dogs win this matchup, their average margin of victory is nearly 37 points. Sunday's margin was 35. Occasionally the data makes this job unnecessarily easy.
The defending champion was nearly as impressive. Consolation Kings opened its title defense with a 137–69 dismantling of MaxxCasualties behind 40 points from Caleb Williams, 30 from Pittsburgh's defense and 26 from Bijan Robinson. Those three players alone scored 96 points—27 more than the entire Casualties lineup.
The Kings won the championship last season and immediately returned with the second-highest score of Week 1. That's worthy of recognition, even from me. Unfortunately for the Kings, praise comes with increased expectations, and they've now provided me with very little patience for anything less.
WELCOME TO THE LEAGUE, TORTUGA
Tortuga chose to introduce themselves to the SCL by walking into the Hatchet House and beating Uncle Bucky 121–89. Lamar Jackson scored 28 points, David Montgomery added 27 and Chuba Hubbard contributed 20, giving the league's newest team a rather convincing first victory.
More interestingly, Tortuga did it while Ja'Marr Chase—acquired for $68 during the draft—scored exactly one point. My accounting department advises me that describing this as $68 per point after one week is irresponsible financial analysis, but I've never allowed accepted accounting practices to interfere with a useful statistic.
There is something legitimately impressive about scoring 121 points when one of the foundations of your roster contributes virtually nothing. One game into their SCL existence, Tortuga has yet to disappoint me. I have every confidence we'll eventually correct that.
THERE IS NO JUSTICE HERE
Week 1 also provided another reminder that fairness is an imaginary concept. Fat Cats scored 117 points and lost. Badazz Bri scored 110 and lost. Gotham Rogues scored 109 and lost. Those three teams combined for 336 points without producing a single victory.
Baby Got Dak scored 82 and won.
Fat Cats' loss was particularly cruel because 117 points would have beaten most of the league. Instead, the Cats ran into a Tator Tots team that scored 120 points behind Brock Purdy, Breece Hall and 24 points from the Jets defense. Three points separated them when it was over, while Baby Got Dak quietly walked away elsewhere with exactly the same 1–0 record.
Some weeks you score 110 and lose. Other weeks your opponent leaves 39 points on the bench. Anyone searching for fairness is encouraged to review the League Rules, where they will find no mention of it.
A FEW OTHER THINGS WORTH NOTICING
I designated Gotham Rogues at Pork Chop Express as the Game of the Week, and fortunately neither team damaged my reputation. The Chops won 119–109 behind Derrick Henry, Zay Flowers and Jaxon Smith-Njigba, who combined for 90 points. Both teams topped 100, the game remained competitive, and for once something I told you to watch was actually worth watching.
Week 1 also produced some interesting divisional results. The Cactus East swept the Sagebrush East, while the Sagebrush West nearly returned the favor against the Cactus West by winning three of four. One week is an inadequate sample size for drawing meaningful conclusions about divisional strength, but I'm certain that won't stop anyone. Besides, getting swept is still getting swept. The standings do not include a column labeled "Sample Size."
THE FIRST LAYER OF OPTIMISM HAS BEEN REMOVED
So what did Week 1 actually tell us? Los Perros Locos looks dangerous. The defending champion appears unwilling to surrender the crown quietly. Tortuga entered the league and immediately demonstrated that the newcomer intends to participate rather than observe. We also learned that scoring 100 points guarantees nothing, having the winning points somewhere on your roster isn't the same thing as actually using them, and scoring 82 earns exactly the same 1–0 record as scoring 145.
More importantly, we've moved beyond theory. Last week every team was undefeated, every strategy remained theoretically sound and everyone could construct an argument for why this might finally be the year. That version of the 2026 season is gone.
There are thirteen games remaining, which leaves plenty of time for the teams that looked terrible this week to demonstrate that it was merely an aberration. It also leaves plenty of time for the teams that looked good to reveal themselves as frauds.
Week 1 gave us our first evidence. Now we get to find out which of you learned anything from it.
I remain optimistic—not about your chances, obviously, but about the amount of material you're going to provide me.
Good luck in Week 2!
Commish
Golden Ticket
Apparently Los Perros Locos decided the regular league wasn't enough and opened the Golden Ticket with a league-best 210 points. Derrick Henry's 57 points and Kenneth Walker's 48 did most of the heavy lifting, giving the dogs a 19-point lead over Pork Chop Express and 24 over MaxxCasualties after Week 1. The Chops' 191 points was powered by Caleb Williams' 50, while Casualties rode Josh Allen and Walker to 186. It's early, but those three have at least earned the right to spend a week pretending they know what they're doing.
At the other end, Golden Tate Warriors opened with 94 points and already trails the Perros by 116, while Badazz Bri sits 102 points back at 108. Tortuga isn't much better at 117, thanks in part to Ja'Marr Chase's 1 point, Brock Bowers' zero and the Texans defense actively removing 5 points from the total. There are plenty of weeks remaining, of course, which means nobody is out of this yet. Some teams have simply chosen to make the comeback considerably more dramatic than necessary.
Pigskin Pick'Em
Do Not Panic may have scored just 37 points in league play, but evidently all available football knowledge was redirected elsewhere. Panic correctly picked 13 of 16 NFL games to take the early Pigskin Pick'Em lead, with Gotham Rogues one game back at 12–4 and six teams packed together at 11–5. For a team whose own starting lineup couldn't outscore its bench, predicting what other football teams would do proved surprisingly manageable.
At the other end, Pork Chop Express, Golden Tate Warriors and Los Perros Locos share the bottom at 9–7, just four games off the lead. Perros deserves special recognition for leading the Golden Ticket while simultaneously occupying the Pick'Em basement. One week into the season, the dogs have established that identifying players who will score points and identifying teams that will win games are entirely different departments.
Eliminator Challenge
Week 1 wasted little time thinning the herd. MaxxCasualties, Cerebral Ballsy, Consolation Kings and Los Perros Locos all trusted the Chargers to beat Arizona and were rewarded for their confidence with an immediate exit. Deez Nuts chose a different path to the same destination, backing Tennessee against the Jets. Five known teams are gone after one week, proving once again that the easiest way to survive is simply to avoid being wrong.
Then we have the curious case of Brian's 1st Entry and Brian's 1st Entry. One selected Detroit and survived; the other chose Tennessee and did not. Since neither followed my remarkably complicated instruction to change their entry name to their SCL team name, I have no idea which Brian survived. Therefore, both have been eliminated until the situation is corrected. Consider it less an Eliminator ruling and more an administrative demonstration of why instructions exist.
Survivor Challenge
The Survivor Challenge is considerably less forgiving during the opening three weeks, with two teams eliminated each week, and Do Not Panic made our first decision remarkably easy. Their league-low 37 points earned an immediate exit, leaving Golden Tate Warriors and MaxxCasualties tied at 69 for the second spot. The QB tiebreaker spared Casualties thanks to Jared Goff's 21 points over Joe Burrow's 16, sending the Warriors home alongside Panic.
At the opposite end, Los Perros Locos earned Week 2 Immunity with their league-best 145 points, meaning the dogs can spend next weekend watching everyone else worry about survival. After one week, Panic and Golden Tate are gone, Casualties survived by five points, and Perros can't be touched. I'm sure everyone involved will use these experiences to make better decisions going forward. History suggests otherwise.
Power Rankings
Week 1 produced plenty of movement on the scoreboard, but remarkably little at the top of the Power Rankings. Los Perros Locos backed up its preseason #1 ranking with a league-best 145 points and remains comfortably on top, while Who Is You, Consolation Kings and Pork Chop Express hold their positions at #2 through #4. The Kings' 137-point performance certainly strengthened the argument that the defending champion remains a problem, while You stays at #2 despite enjoying the considerable scheduling advantage of playing Do Not Panic.
The biggest upward moves belong to two teams that made considerably better first impressions. Tortuga jumps two spots from #9 to #7 after scoring 121 in their SCL debut, while Tallahassee Tator Tots climbs from #14 to #12 after putting up 120. At the bottom, Deez Nuts remains #15 and Do Not Panic remains firmly attached to #16 after its historic 37-point effort. Apparently even a sophisticated mathematical formula occasionally arrives at conclusions visible to the naked eye.
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