The Unbreakable Bond
- Commish
- Oct 28
- 6 min read
Some records are set with greatness. Others are set with something that looks a lot more like… gravity. You don’t soar into them... you plummet. You don’t celebrate them... you survive them. One is immortalized in gold, the other in caution tape. And every now and then, a team manages to find themselves on both sides of history… which brings us, of course, to Badazz Bri.
In the fall of 2019, Badazz Bri was at the center of a scoring frenzy unlike anything the Sagebrush Cactus League had ever seen. In Week 3 of that season, they were the unfortunate visitor when Blue Ribbon exploded for 200 points — a record-setting league first — at Six-Pack Park. Two weeks later, in Week 5, the Boone’s Farm Drunk Tank was raided by an even bigger storm as the Consolation Kings (then called Team RamRod) came crashing through with 233 points, shattering Ribbon’s two-week old record and leaving Badazz Bri to pick up the remains of what had once been a respectable defense.
That 233-point game still stands today as the highest single-game total in league history. In a brutal three-week stretch, Badazz Bri was the not-so-proud recipient of 433 points across two games. That’s not fantasy football. That’s a war crime.
But this week offered Badazz Bri a rare opportunity. A rematch. A reckoning. A chance to avenge their most embarrassing moment in franchise history — the night the Kings danced on their grave as the freshly wounded victims of a new league scoring record. And to Bri’s credit, they got their revenge... just not the way anyone expected. Rather than return fire with fireworks, Badazz Bri answered history’s high scores with a thud. A historic thud delivered in the most "Bri" way possible.
Bri's 47-36 victory over the Consolation Kings this week wasn’t just ugly — it was record-breaking in all the wrong (and somehow, all the right) ways. That 47-point total is now the lowest-scoring victory in Sagebrush Cactus League history, breaking the previous record Bri already owned — a 56-25 win over Who Is You from Week 9 of that same record-setting 2019 season.
That’s right: in the same year that Badazz Bri was buried under 200- and 233-point avalanches, they also claimed the league’s worst win. And now, six years later, they’ve gone even lower. A few call it poetic. Some call it pitiful. But I call it "badazz".
Badazz Bri didn’t erase the memory of 2019 with fireworks or vengeance — they smothered it in a weighted blanket of bafflement. And as the Kings limp away from Boone’s Farm having been involved in another game for the record books, one thing is clear: revenge is a dish best served cold... and without offense.
For those spatial learners in the league, below are the box scores showing the highest of highs and lowest of lows in SCL history.
You couldn’t script it better if you tried. Six years apart, two very different games — and the same two teams standing on opposite ends of fantasy football’s measuring stick. The Consolation Kings and Badazz Bri are now permanently intertwined in SCL lore: the authors of both the league’s highest-scoring triumph and its lowest-scoring slog. It’s symmetry in its most ridiculous form — the kind only this league could produce. In a strange way, they’ve achieved the impossible together: proving that greatness and futility are sometimes just different verses of the same song.
Good luck this week!
Commish
Golden Ticket
We’ve got a new leader in the Golden Ticket race, and it’s the Fat Cats whose roster exploded in Week 8 to leapfrog both Who Is You and Cerebral Ballsy and claim the top spot at 1,287 points. Ballsy and You remain well within striking distance, but they’ll need their top-tier FLEX options — Jonathan Taylor and Christian McCaffrey — to keep pace. Meanwhile, the middle of the pack is a logjam of mediocrity with just 7 points separating MaxxCasualties, Golden Tate Warriors, and Los Perros Locos. At the bottom, Deez Nuts and Baby Got Dak continue their tradition of participating mostly in spirit, while Consolation Kings and Pork Chop Express remain in striking distance of the middle but may need a scoring surge to make real noise down the stretch. Eight weeks down. Six to go. It's still anyone's game... unless you're Baby Got Dak.
Pigskin Pick'Em
The Pick’Em standings got a bit of a shakeup in Week 8, and Blue Ribbon made the biggest move hitting 11 of 13 picks and proving they may be better at guessing games than actual fantasy football. Who Is You wasn’t far behind with 10 correct picks, showing the kind of consistency that could be dangerous down the stretch. Meanwhile, Fat Cats may want to consider rebranding to “Nap Cats” after picking just 1 of 13 games correctly, nailing the Thursday night opener and then seemingly falling asleep until Monday morning. It's a long season, but if you're not making picks, you're not making moves.
Eliminator Challenge
And just like that, the Eliminator Challenge is over, brought down by a team in tiger stripes who played like house cats on Ambien. Blue Ribbon and Who Is You both put their faith in Cincinnati, only to watch the Jets do what the Jets never do: win. While those two were busy inventing new curse words, Gotham Rogues calmly cashed in their ticket with the Buccaneers toppling the Saints. It wasn’t flashy. It wasn’t heroic. But it was enough to secure the dub and the bragging rights. Chalk one up for pragmatism and let the regret buffet begin for those who dared to trust the Bengals in a nationally-irrelevant AFC matchup. Congrats to Gotham Rogues — this year’s Eliminator winner.
Survivor Challenge
The Survivor Challenge claimed another victim this week as Los Perros Locos packed their emotional support chew toy and headed for the exit after posting a modest 87 points. Fat Cats, meanwhile, scratched their way to the top with a season-high 151 and earned Immunity for Week 9 — but don’t get too cozy, feline friends. That was the final week Immunity will be handed out. From here on out, it’s bare-knuckle scoring: lowest team gets the boot, no second chances, no scratching posts. With MaxxCasualties, Gotham Rogues, Uncle Bucky, Who Is You, and the newly nine-lives-less Fat Cats still in the ring, this one’s about to get personal.
Power Rankings
It’s been said that Power Rankings don’t lie — they just hurt feelings. After eight weeks, Who Is You continues to stand tall with the league’s best record and the highest Power Score (143.28), thanks to a consistently potent lineup that’s handled a mid-tier schedule with ruthless efficiency. MaxxCasualties and Uncle Bucky trail just behind, both firmly cementing themselves among the league’s elite. But the real noise this week came from Gotham Rogues, who surged three spots and posted a staggering 149 points against Uncle Bucky, reclaiming relevance in dramatic fashion.
The middle of the pack is more crowded than the checkout line on Black Friday. Teams like Los Perros Locos, Fat Cats, and Cerebral Ballsy are all within spitting distance of each other, separated by decimal points and bad coaching decisions. Blue Ribbon continues to slink their way upward, and Baby Got Dak finally showed signs of life, leaping from 12th to 9th after snapping a skid.
Of course, not everyone is trending in the right direction. Consolation Kings took a seven-spot nosedive after scoring just 36 points — the fewest by any team all season. And despite picking up a win, Badazz Bri remains near the bottom in Power Score, continuing to defy logic, math, and basic fantasy football principles.
What If
The What If Matrix continues to serve as the great equalizer — the mirror that shows us not who you are, but who you'd be if your luck looked a little more like someone else's. Pork Chop Express remains the martyr of the Matrix, enduring the most brutal schedule in the league. Only Who Is You would have a winning record if they had to walk a mile in the Chops' cleats. Most teams would have buckled under the pressure — twelve would hold losing records, and three would simply be treading water at 4-4.
Meanwhile, Badazz Bri’s path has been so charmed it should come with a Disney soundtrack. If every team faced Bri’s opponents, Uncle Bucky and Los Perros Locos would be 8-0, five others would be 7-1, and 15 of the 16 teams would be above water. The lone team to come out behind? You guessed it, Golden Tate Warriors. It’s no wonder Bri is clinging to a 5-3 record despite ranking near the bottom in nearly every meaningful metric. Schedule matters, folks.
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